My Immortal
by loonydaydreams
Summary: THIS IS NOT MINE, I REPEAT: NOT MINE! It was originally written by some girl way back in 2006. Quite a few people have done this, and I have the time so I thought I'd comment on this ridiculous fanfiction. Trust me: It's bad. Think I'm losig braincells:
1. Chapter 1

**(A/N) Hey there, I know this has been done lots and lots, but I thought I'd give it a shot seeing as I have the time to do such trivial things as comment on things, I know I have fan fics on the go, but I don't have THAT much time! Sorry P.s If I insult anyone I am sorry, I don't mean it, and if I come across as racist/homophobic/against religion I am NOT, it's probably sarcasm or me being stupid**

**Disclaimer: My Immortal doesn't belong to me (thank god).**

**AN: Special fangz** Oh dear god.. **(get it, coz Im goffik)** Does she mean gothic?** 2 my gf (ew not in that way)**Now I AM thinking in that way..** raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling.** So it's all her/his fault? **U rok!** Rok? ** Justin** Please, let it _not_ be Beiber... **ur da luv of my deprzzing life** Justin, run whilst you can! **u rok 2!** My brain cells are already half dead and we're not even halfway through the first chapter. HELP.** MCR ROX!** I am not a mega fan of "MCR" however they are an average rock? band.. Some of their songs are OK. I repeat OK, they do not under any circumstances "ROK"

**Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way** That's some loooong and fucked up name. **and I have long ebony black hair**I think we got that with "Ebony Black"**(that's how I got my name)**No shit!**with purple streaks and red tips**Where have you come from? The bottom of a rainbow?** that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears**I'm pretty sure water is clear?** and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee**Eh?**(AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!).**I could, and keep my brain cells intact, or I could keep reading and commenting and relieve my boredom..** I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie.** No fanfic is complete without a bit of incest is it?**I'm a vampire**Do you sparkle?.**but my teeth are straight and white.**Why are vampire's teeth normally yellow and crooked?**I have pale white skin.**OMG SHOCK OF DA CENTURY.**I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England**It's in Scotland.**where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a goth**I think that's obvious.. **(in case you couldn't tell)**I'm freaked out. **and I wear mostly black.**No shit Sherlock! **I love Hot Topic**and that is?**and I buy all my clothes from there.**I believe it's a shop, but I can't be sure.**For example**Oh Merlin, this is one of these girls who describes EVERY SINGLE PIECE of clothing isn't it? ** today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets**PINK? Hogwarts has uniforms. **and black combat boots.****I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation,** You're supposed to be _pale_.**black eyeliner and red eye shadow.**All cool 'goffiks' do that.**I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining**That's _really_ fucked up weather. **so there was no sun, which I was very happy about.**DO YOU SPARKLE IN THE SUN!**A lot of preps stared at me.**Maybe because your being a "goffik" and aren't wearing your uniform.**I put up my middle finger at them.**Well aren't you a ray of sunshine.

**"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was….**Please don't let it be a real character please..**Draco Malfoy!**Fuck.

**"What's up Draco?" I asked.**What goes up, Must come down.

**"Nothing." he said shyly.**OMG THAT IS NOT DRACO MALFOY. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?

**But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.**That wasn't even a conversation?**  
**

**AN: IS it good?** No.**PLZ tell me fangz!**Fangz?

I hope I have brain cells after this..


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two: Enjoy!

**AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok!  
**Who keeps "flaming" her story? I'm pretty sure it's EVERYONE not just the preps.. whoever the 'preps' are.  
**The next day I woke up in my bedroom.**  
Where else would you wake up?  
**It was snowing and raining again.**  
Oh consistency!  
**I opened the door of my coffin  
**Coffin? Are you dead?**and drank some blood from a bottle I had.**  
You just randomly keep bottles handy? Strange.  
**My coffin was black ebony**  
Black ebony? Ebony is a black dense wood.. there's no need for th- oh never mind she's stupid.  
**and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends.**  
Velvet? Hot Pink? Black Lace!?  
**I got out of my coffin**  
I swear she's already done this..  
**and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas.**  
I'm assuming MCR is My Chemical Romance?  
**Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on.**  
This is a facepalm moment..  
**I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears,**  
As opposed to what exactly?  
**and put my hair in a kind of messy friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!)**  
Doesn't Raven grammar correct this?  
**woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes.**  
How does she grin and flip her hair BEFORE she's even opened her eyes!?  
**She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots.**  
Why the need for so much detail on the clothes? We don't care!  
**We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)**  
They share? There's TWO of them who look like this!? The world should just move to mars, and not tell Willow and Ebony.  
**"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.**  
And your point is?  
"**Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.**  
You're pale as how are you blushing!? Aren't you a vampire too..  
**"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.**  
**"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted.**  
Any need to shout?  
"**Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.**  
**"Hi." he said.**  
**"Hi." I replied flirtily.**  
Flirtily? Is that even a word?..  
**"Guess what." he said.**  
**"What?" I asked.**  
**"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me.**  
Draco listens to Muggle music?  
Wouldn't all the purebloods kill him?  
**"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.**  
I would scream too, at the fact Draco knows a muggle band, not because it's "GC"  
**"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.**  
**I gasped.**  
Gasp? Really? Are you five years old?


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three: I think I've killed all my brain cells, but on with the story (if you can call it that)

**AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte.**

**On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms.**  
Why does she feel the need to describe her clothes in so much detail?  
**I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky.**  
This is defying all logic, but let's go with it..  
**I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists.**  
Just randomly?  
**I read a depressing book**  
Making her more depressed?..  
**while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC.**  
You're reading straight after slitting your wrists?..  
**I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner.  
**Why does she paint her nails so much?**  
Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway.  
**WHY HAVE YOU BEEN PUTTING IT ON THEN!?**  
I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert.  
**That sounds so awesome!**  
I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car.  
**I thought the flying car belonged to the Weasleys?..**  
He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too),  
baggy black skater pants, black nail polish  
**What have you done with Malfoy?**  
and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).  
**Kewl boiz!? Oh dear lord..**  
"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice.  
**Depressed voice with an exclamation mark? Logical..**  
"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz  
**HE'S A WIZARD NOT A MUGGLE YOU STUPID GIRL!**  
(the license plate said 666)  
**Orginal.**  
and flew to the place with the concert.  
**As opposed as walking or apparating, the way NORMAL wizards would travel..**  
On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson.  
**Logically, Draco wouldn't even know these bands let alone have them on CD, however I have practically given up on logic at this point..**  
We both smoked cigarettes and drugs.  
**You're probably going to get lung cancer, wizard or not.  
**When we got there, we both hopped out of the car.  
**There's no doors then?**  
We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage  
**NEVER!  
**and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.  
**As opposed to sliding side to side with ear plugs in?  
**"You come in cold, you're covered in blood  
They're all so happy you've arrived  
The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom  
She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song).  
**Oh god.  
**"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.  
**Yes because you tell the guy you're on a DATE with that you find another guy hot, smooooth.  
**Suddenly Draco looked sad.**  
**"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.**  
Caught on then?  
**"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.  
**Riiiiiiiiiight, okay. Whatever you say..**  
"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.  
**Sensitive? Protective? AT THE SAME TIME? How?  
**"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face.  
**I'm presuming she doesn't know Hilary Duff as she doesn't know Joel, so how on earth does she know she's a bitch?..**  
The night went on really well, and I had a great time.  
**Jolly good.**  
So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them.  
We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into… the Forbidden Forest!**

Why does she keep trying to kill herself!?

Oh wait.. she's an emo/goff/idiot!


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four: OMG I WANT TO KILL MYSELF NOW. Enjoy!

**AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY nut mary su OK! DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!  
**ENOBY? I THOUGHT HER NAME WAS EBONY? Oh god..  
**"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?"**  
**Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it.**  
So he just randomly stopped the car, mid air, and walked out of it, mid air? Make sense.. Tara logic!  
**I walked out of it too, curiously.**  
Curiously? How do you walk curiously?..  
**"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily.**  
More swear words..  
"**Ebony?" he asked.  
**I thought it was Enoby..**  
"What?" I snapped.  
**She's lovely.**  
Draco leaned in extra-close  
and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts)  
**Because even us Muggle-borns need telling what contacts are**  
which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness  
**So these contacts are different to normal contacts and tells others what you are feeling..  
**and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore.  
**What does this have to do with his contacts revealing depressing sorrow and "evilness" is that even a word?**  
And then… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately.  
**Unnecessary, Useless and Rubbish.**  
Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree.  
**How are you against a tree if he is on top of you? This can't work Tara..**  
He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra.  
**Ebony/Enoby is a whore who likes to tease.. not even showing him the one thing he probably wants to see.**  
Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.  
**That's an even worse euphemism than the lyrics to "Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo" and that is bad... I laughed for about 10 minutes when I read this.**  
"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed.  
**Tara is obviously a virgin.**  
I was beginning to get an orgasm.  
**Really?  
**We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm.  
**Ah so she's not always pale then?**  
And then….  
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"  
It was….Dumbledore!  
**I really want to hear Dumbledore say this! Michael Gambon's grand-daughter should threaten to never speak to him again unless he says this, films it and posts it online.**  
A/N: Don't make Dumbledore clack a bitch! Review you motherfuckers!  
**I don't care about feedback, but it would be appreciated.


End file.
